Goodbye Grandma, I Love You

Yesterday morning at 7:30, Grandma went to heaven to be with God and her favorite beau Pete. Kendall and I were with her and held her as she closed her eyes on this world. I love her so much and miss her terribly. Rest well Grandma, and please never forget me...

Waiting with Grandma

We've been sitting and looking through Grandma's photo albums. It has been one of those laugh until you hurt, cry until you're sick things.

She is resting peacefully. It does not look like she is suffering or in any pain at all. Sometimes while I look at her, I expect her to open her eyes and ask me what I'm looking at. Funny, and sort of heartbreaking.

Saying goodbye to her is hard, but I am so glad that I am getting to be near her now. I love her so much...

Grandma and Pete

If Grandma lives through tonight, she will finally get her wish to come home. I have been getting the house ready so we can make her as comfortable as possible. We are putting a hospital bed in her living room and the rest of us are going to camp out on the couches and the floor. We are going to have family around her 24 hours a day. Chris and Carol are bringing the new baby. She will really like that. She thinks that Carson is cute.

At noon today the hospital stopped her IV, and she is not getting a feeding tube put in her. There will be no more medicines save what she may need for pain. She got her last shot of insulin today. I only wish that she were aware of the fact. At last she is free from diabetes.

The last time I was sure she knew it was me holding her was yesterday morning. She put her hand on the back of my head as I cried telling her just how much I love her. I really hope that she does not forget me when she is in heaven. I am never going to forget her. I have not ever hurt this bad.

I have known that I was going to have to face a life without her. She and I have talked about it, but it was always that far off thing that was going to be many years away. Not days. Maybe not even hours. I caught myself begging God for just one more year today. It would of course be torture for her. And she really wants to be with Pete. She was the one true love of her life. Is it really so selfish that I want him to wait longer?

She will be so happy to see him again... I just hope she doesn't forget me...

Grandma is in the hospital...

She was taken to the emergency room with a blood sugar count of 500 and almost comatose. She was also very dehydrated. After an exam she was admitted and is currently in serious condition.

Today her urine output has dropped to almost nothing and they are concerned that she has entered into renal failure.

I am making this short as I am going to cry myself to sleep now. I am unable to think very clearly and all I want is my Grandma happy and healthy again.

Grandma gets to come home!

After about a month or so of being in the nursing home, Grandma has her parole date. She will get to come home the day before Thanksgiving Day. Now, that is really something to be grateful for this year.

It is going to be a little rough for us all until we get the new swing of things. Life will definitely be different. All of her liquids will have to be thickened so she will be able to swallow. All of her food will have to be pureed to a consistency that will make it easy for her to swallow.

She still has some problems standing, but it will be east enough to work around. I was already helping her go to the bathroom. It was not any problem to get her in or out of bed.

Life will not be too easy, but whatever it is, it will be good to be home again.

I love you so much Grandma!

Christmas Decorations

I've decided this year to NOT decorate for Christmas. Coming from me, this is almost heresy. I cannot honestly remember a year since I have lived on my own that I did not put out Christmas. The photo is of my tree last year, during it's long decoration period, lol. But 2009 had taught me that this year it has to be Grandma's for Christmas.

In February, my long time companion George died. He was a 14 year old Pekingese that had been my friend since he was a little furball of two months old.

In March came double tragedies. Grandma had several major and minor strokes, and has needed constant care. Aunt Charlene took a massive turn for the worse in her 4 year fight with lung cancer and died.

Then on April 21st, at 11:30 P.M., my friend Bubba died of a obviously painful heart attack while I could only hold him and scream. Bubba was an 8 year old Brussels Griffon, and my strongest "psychic" link to any creature in God's creation ever!

My Aunt Gail left me this summer. I cook in cast iron because she was the one who taught me to cook and strongly urged it!

Then last month Grandma fell and broke her hip. Her condition is really worrying me. I decided to skip Christmas at my house and am instead going to do it all at her house using all of her stuff. Trust me, Grandma has enough to decorate three houses, so I will have plenty to work with this year.

This year has been the most painful year I have ever lived. Not one thing about it has been good, or even just okay. Christmas celebration is going to be filled with sadness and fear of coming loss. But I also have the feeling it is going to be the most precious one I get for a long time.

I love you so much Grandma.